Unwinding Self

At times we feel so desolate from the entire universe around us that everything seizes to make any sense. When the sky and the earth knit themselves together so that all the compass needles go berserk and one is left clueless, directionless, like a lost ship now returning to Atlantis.

Nothing makes sense, and sense makes nothing ...

The power to analyze seems to be consumed by the haze of uncertainty, and the ability to rationalize retreats in the face of that sheer void that seems to surround anything and everything. Its smog, everywhere and all around. And my compass needle is crazy. I don't trust it. I don't trust the path. I don't trust my ability to find a path. I don't trust the idea that a path does exist. And I don't trust me.

Whenever I am as lost, as I feel now, in the murkiness of daunting doubts, I return to my point 0 - origin point. Point of total surrender. I align my crazy compass to the One up there and let myself make a camp there, at point 0. I call all my fighting faculties back to myself, I forget the paths and I forget the battles. I just camp there, in a world which is more spiritual than physical. I let myself the luxury of just being a no one in the realm of the Absolute One, and I relish the freedom that shunning all authority brings. I become a lover of the One who needs no lover, and I feel loved. All my wounds heal, my energies build and my faculties nourish, just by that mere act of realigning my compass back to Him.

But this time it has been strange. It seems as if the first thing I lost in the battle is the very compass that had gone berserk. Its a familiar yet unfamiliar land, my steps do not catch up with the changing pace of the landscape and my eyes can not see across this grey sea of haze. The deafening noise of the silent void is devouring all that was left of a lost spirit. I can not reach my point 0, despite the fact that I never had to Reach it! As the poet puts it

دل کے آئینے میں ہے تصویر یار

جب زرا گردن جھکائ’ دیکھ لیا

Dil kay aa'eenay mein hai tasveer e yar

jab zara girdan jhukai, daih lia

(My heart mirrors the image of my Beloved

Its just a bend of neck, that grants me a view)

No compass, nothing to align. Where am I?

I was caught in this endless whirlpool of nothingness, when yesterday I got a few words to which I am hanging on for dear life. These words resonate in this bleak time with the same frequency that had I not lost it, my compass needle would have responded well.

So, here's what I learnt. I hope I did!

When launching into a battle, one should always know where is the EXIT marked, and where is the emergency medical relief camp! This is as important for the soul as is for the body. In this very case, before exhausting my last reservoirs of strength, I should have known where is the refill station: my compass needle.

Hence job ONE: Find your aligning spiritual compass, so that nowhere begins to belong somewhere.

When a self falls prey to doubts; doubts that shatter, and doubts that mar everything that binds one's faith, its never alone a battle of Spirit. Its a battle that soul fights, only when aided by a body which can endure that battle.

Hence job TWO: Focus on revitalizing your health.

When there is no direction to follow and no route to take, when the dreams are forsaken and the realities are stark, when the words ring hollow and when the actions speak naught, just remain sure of one thing and that will make all this abyss fizzle out: your own personal uprighteousness. That uprighteousness comes by cleansing one's system of all the negativities of thought and of action; and this requires harmony - Spiritual as well as physical!

Hence job THREE: Cleanse your system of toxins.

I have stopped fighting and have called my troops back. I spent today, the whole day trying to relocate myself. And I think I have inched somewhere close to my compass.

I hope and pray that all the lost souls find their route maps. Amen

Good night all.